Bob Walsh must battle with Panic Attacks     

by Mike Walsh
Exchange Feature Writer

     Bob Walsh sits in his first class seat on a United Airplane grasping his chest.  

He feels the end is near.  The shortness of breath and pain in his arms are a dead 

giveaway.  When the plane lands in Indiana, and he walks out into the terminal, the 

colleagues he is with traveling with notice there is something wrong.  The pain has gotten 

worse, so they rush him to the local hospital.  One question is stuck in his head; "Am I 

having a heart-attack? – No, but Bob's problem is eerily similar.  He suffers from panic- 

attacks, and just like a heart-attack it can strike at any time. 

     
     That was ten years ago.  Bob flew out to Indiana to take a one week 

specialized training course for Manufacturers Representatives at Indiana University.  It is 

one of the many rigors of the job.  This was his final year, of the three year program.  

The pressures of his work had always been visible, but he used to thrive under those 

circumstances.  

     
     "I remember not feeling like myself," he said.  "I was experiencing pains in 

my arms.  I was so scared that I was having a heart-attack."

     
     He spent three hours in the hospital while the doctors performed lots of tests.  

The electrocardiogram or EKG determined that he suffered from anxiety or panic-

attacks.  He was given pills to relax him, which he took for the remainder of the week.  

When he arrived back home he stopped taking them.

     
     "I didn't want to take pills to treat my problem," said Bob.  "I decided that I 

didn't want to live better through chemicals." 

     
     The life of a Manufacturers Representative is not the usual nine to five job, 

and since Bob owns the company even more is expected out of him.  He travels often, 

stays in the office well into the night, and has to take customers out to dinner.  One day 

he might be flying to Chicago for a meeting with his largest line "Cherry," and then the 

next day he is in Texas for a meeting with a prospective client.  His work takes him all 

around the world, and he feels lucky to be able to see some amazing places, especially 

for a guy who never left New England as a child.  His job is taxing, but it has also become 

a health concern.

     
     "I get the attacks on a regular basis, but I just try to work through them," he 

said.  "Though it is hard at times to get through the long ones, I know what they are, so 

I'm not as scared."

     
     Jill, his wife remembers what it was like when she first started to realize the 

change in him.  He did not admit to her that he was still getting them, but she could sense 

there was something wrong.

     
     "I remember he was acting very strange," she said.  He didn't talk; he wasn't 

his usual funny self.  I kept asking him what was wrong, and he finally told me he had 

been having attacks again.  It took me a while but I finally convinced him to go to the 

hospital.  We went to the emergency room and again they diagnosed him with panic 

attacks, and sent him home, but this time they recommended he see a psychiatrist."  

     
     The hospital let Bob talk to one of the therapists on call in the Emergency 

room.  They spoke for quite a while.  The session went well, so Bob agreed to see this 

man again.  The psychiatrist wanted to dig deep inside of Bob's psyche to figure out what 

set off these panic-attacks.  Stress was an obvious catalyst, but he felt there might be 

something else that was triggering it.  After the second meeting, out of the blue, Bob 

vowed never to see this man again.

     
     "He was a quack," said Bob.  "He had no idea what he was talking about, and 

I didn't want to waste my time listening to him."

     
     It is not clear what they discussed during that session, but it did not sit well 

with Bob.  He did not want to discuss it, but Jill has speculated that it has something to do 

with his childhood. 

     
     "Bob has some feelings of guilt about the way he treated his father at the end 

of his life," she said.  "It was because of the ALS disease, and he was a young man, and 

didn't know how to handle the whole thing.  It is a difficult thing for a person to go 

through never mind his family.  It was awful.  And the minute the doctor began to hit on 

this subject during the sessions Bob refused to go back and see him."  

     
     They consulted a few more psychiatrists, but all the rest of them wanted to 

prescribe other drugs that they thought would help.  Bob was adamant about not taking 

the drug path.  Instead, he would try to overcome the problem himself.

     
     "Bob decided he would conquer this thing on his own," Jill said.  "The same 

way he attacks his fear of heights, he insists on going over bridges or climbing 

mountains, just to see that he can still conquer them, and that they don't rule his life.  He 

is a pretty amazing man in that way.  A lot of people would take the medication and 

accept their limitations, but Bob chose not to take that path."  

     
     Bob lives a normal life most of the time, but he still suffers from these attacks 

on occasion.  Often he can overcome them, but there are other times when he still thinks 

he is having a heart-attack.  

     
     About nine months ago Bob had such a bad attack that he went back to the 

hospital.  He felt that it was really his heart this time, and for the whole day his family 

was terrified.  Once again they performed tests, and again to everyone's relief, it was 

just his anxiety acting up.  Despite his relief Bob often isolates himself after the attacks.  

He likes to take on challenges alone, but sometimes it worries his wife.

     
     "I have talked to Bob about them, and I can almost sympathize about how 

they must feel to him," Jill said.  "He thinks no one can feel them unless they have them, 

but I do.  I think it's like if you have every really had a fear and dwelled on it for many 

days you can almost feel what it would be like [to have a panic attack].  I do know for 

sure that it is terrifying, because this is a man who doesn't scare easily."

     
     Over 2.4 million citizens in the United States suffer from panic.  Sometimes it 

is so draining on people that they choose not to leave their homes, because of how it 

makes them feel.  Bob is a rare breed, he feels as though this will not get the best of 

him.  He strives to triumph over it.  Sometimes his anxiety gets the best of him, but it will 

not keep him from working, traveling or spending time with his family.  Bob understands 

that an attack can come at any time.  He has learned to cope with that fact, and he is 

prepared to overcome it.

     
     "I can do one of two things," Bob said.  "I can give up, and let the attacks get 

the best of me, or I can continue to persevere.  I am a fighter.  I didn't quit in the past 

when times were tough, and I'm sure as heck not going to quit now." 

     
     It may seem like Bob is being stubborn, but he has always had his own way of 

dealing with problems.  Maybe that is why he has the anxiety attacks, but his family 

knows how hard he works and why he has fought so hard to be successful.

     
     "He didn't have a lot as a kid," said Jill.  "His number one goal in life is to 

provide for his family, and give them all the things he never had.  It may seem like he's 

neglecting his problem, but we all know that he would do anything he could for us.  And 

we would do anything we can for him.  That is what family is all about."