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PAST ISSUES

Best friends (or not)

by Amy Marie Santana
Exchange Staff

     When we hear the word relationship the first ones we think of are those that are of a romantic nature. But these relationships are only a fraction of all the ones a person has in her life. One relationship that is easily comparable is that of a best friend. When you really think about it, no one teaches us how to choose a best friend or how a best friend should be. In fact, how do we know what a best friend is? How can we allow ourselves the authority to state: This is my best friend? Furthermore, is calling someone a best friend the act that makes that person a best friend? Or is it really an unspoken bond that is richest when both friends know without having to state the obvious?

     Your best friend is someone you can tell anything to. She is not the person who tells you what you want to hear so that you’ll always be friends, but she is the one who tells it to you like it is. She verbally confirms what you already know to be true.

     What about when the problem lies not within the outside world but actually right in the middle of your friendship? How do you talk to her about how you feel about the friendship, especially when you feel that it’s on a one-way train to being over?

     Well, the first thing to do is to identify the problem. Does she not call you as often as you call her? Does she always go to other people for help with her problems but then gets offended when you don’t go to her for help? If you took her off your buddy list for a whole week without IM-ing her, would she even notice that you’ve been distant?

     If you answered yes to the above questions, don't go writing a break up letter just yet. Although the problems are obvious to you, they might not be as obvious to your best friend. Maybe she's been busy and doesn't even know she hasn't really been around. Maybe she's so used to you always contacting her that when you didn't, she assumed you were busy.

     This is why the next thing to do is to communicate. Sit down with your friend face-to-face (so that you can also read her body language and facial expressions) and tell her about your concerns. Talking to her about it is the only way that you’ll know for sure what's going on. Really listen to her reasons and be open. Leaving your judgments at the door will help you to be a better listener. If she cares about you, she will most likely not even realize what she has been doing.

     The last thing to do in this situation is to plan a night to hang out together. Especially being in college, both of you are busy, so why not plan ahead and set aside some time to just chill? If this friendship means anything to her she will want to make it work. Setting aside even 20 minutes to eat lunch together means progress! Don’t take it personally just because it’s only 20 minutes.

     However, if she says she's too busy and doesn't seem to want to make an effort, remind her that you know college is stressful, and that you're willing to plan ahead. You don't have to hang out this weekend when she was already planning to see her boyfriend; let her know that next weekend works just as well. If she still won't budge…well…it's really not worth it. It's obvious that she doesn't have the courage to tell you she's not really interested in being your friend.

     I know having a best friend means a lot to most girls, but if she's not there for you, it’s not much to lose anyway. As the saying goes, "A best friend isn't someone you tell your whole life to, it's someone who's lived through it with you."